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Sometimes,

Sometimes I wished my parents could onl facebook, read my English posts to know what’s truly going on with me, when I’m upset, alone and even mad. All I typed on my blog for them is just the sunny happy fun side of my life here & no one in the family actually gets what I say in English…

However, sometimes I’m glad my parents can’t do so so that I can have the total control of my private yet social life. They don’t really have to know the times that I’m depressed ’cause those sentimental things are fleeting and I want them to know that their daughter is tough, independent and self-driven.

Sometimes, things just happen … by themselves, amazingly. What I did has never been reported in details to mom, dad or anyone in the family. They don’t know I worked for three non-profit orgs at the same time. They don’t know how I got a boyfriend. They don’t know how I made it here. Yet, I was blessed to be born in a family where love and understanding can be expressed without words. The day I left Vietnam, grandpa just said “I truly knew and understood how you made it, dear & I’m proud of it. Take care of yourself well”

For sure, he had no idea how to apply for any US colleges; neither my parents nor any family members… He just simply understands it… , so do mom and dad.

Sometimes, I don’t really know how we’re all tied together in this life… You & Me.

I don’t know how I made it to belong in such a large community where strangers always become true friends, helping each other living overseas and be each other’s brothers and sisters… We all know how hard it is to live half the globe away from home and we all made it here with pride.

I don’t really know how I’ve got many true good friends here. They marked my brithday on their calendars, found me my phone, took me to the mall, guided me through the city, cooked me Mexican- Serian food, proofread my essays, etc.

I don’t really know how my old friends, my highschool friends, my bestfriend still love me and care for me in so many ways even though I have always been a neglected & irresponsible friend. They worried that I could be bullied in here ’cause I’m small; they made and sent me my birthday gifts; they shared me their breakfast even though it was just an egg; they even risked their lives helping me during my exams…

I don’t really know how people understand me so well…

Sometimes, my brain just gets so dump that I can’t think why those wonderful things happen & sometimes, all I can say is just “thank you…“

Responses

  1. Phuong Avatar
    Phuong

    I don’t know if you read this cmt but I almost see myself in your writing. I am always tempted by the idea that someday my parents ( especially my mother ) suddenly come to me and say : ” dear , I didn’t know you have to undergo so much stress and depression. Dear, i didn’t know you could be so fragile , unrealistic and scared” . But at the same time , i feel lucky because they don’t read my blog , my diary and are not sensitive enough to identify the disappointment and fear in my eyes . Therefore , they won’t know that i’m not as tough as they thought , not as determined and realistic as they thought, not as deep as they had thought.
    Anyway , now i’m struggling in the progress of applying to colleges and universities . In case you don’t know , i feel blessed to read your blog. Thank you

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    1. VioletCookies Avatar
      VioletCookies

      Thank you for your note em. Of course I cherish and read every single comment on my blog to know my readers better. You should try to find a way to communicate with your parents, like blogging which I’ve been doing to “talk” to my father or mother, showing them how you feel and think through your writings. I know it’s a struggle but let just smile and move on by doing things you love first and spread it out later on. Let people understand you but at the same time, yet stay focused and do what you must do regardless of what they might think who you should be. Email me if you ever need a good listener :) (mstruonganh@gmail.com)

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